


Weight for Me!

by ErenLeger270



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Annie is dependent, Connie is oblivious, Depression, Dreams and Nightmares, Drug Abuse, Eren has a fast metabolism and a bad appetite, Eren has a problem with gaining weight, Eren is thinner than he's comfortable with, Eren plays guitar, Erwin is greedy, Eventual Levi/Eren Yeager, F/F, F/M, Hanji is egotistical and schizoid, Jean has borderline personality disorder, Levi/Eren Yeager-centric, M/M, Masturbation, Mikasa Ackerman & Levi Are Related, Minor Sasha Blouse/Connie Springer, Multi, POV Eren Yeager, Sasha gets depressed, Self-Denial, Self-Esteem Issues, Self-Harm, Seven Deadly Sins, Slow Build, Sorry Not Sorry, Teen Angst, Underage Sex, Underage Smoking, Weight Gain, Weight Issues
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-05-05
Updated: 2015-06-25
Packaged: 2018-03-29 02:38:02
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 21,803
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3878980
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ErenLeger270/pseuds/ErenLeger270
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Being the ex-boyfriend of a sociopath is anything but fun. And it's even harder once they start coming back.</p><p>But that's the least of Eren Jaeger's problems though.</p><p>Because Eren Jaeger is a toothpick, and Eren Jaeger is thin, and Eren Jaeger is skinny, and Eren Jaeger is so tiny that if you hug him he might break, and Eren Jaeger's body isn't amazing, and Eren Jaeger isn't wantable, and Eren Jaeger isn't perfect.</p><p>He's anything but perfect.</p><p>There was no need for anyone to lie to him about it and say otherwise.</p><p>(WARNING: Includes real disorders. Real life drama/relateable issues of teenagers including depression, self-harm, self-hate, etc. Please read tags before reading and continue at your own risk.)</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Thin

**Author's Note:**

> "Why do you think that I don't eat just because I'm thin?"

_First day of sophomore year. You can do this, Eren Jaeger. Just breathe._

_You can do this. You can get past this first day which for some reason always has to be the most anxious-ridden fucking day of the school year excluding final exams._

_It’s the day when your backpack is at its biggest and bulkiest because all the teachers are expecting the school supplies they need for their class. It’s the day when everyone is weighing out their options, looking their peers and upperclassmen up and down as if planning out what would soon be the unofficial foodchain of the school. It's the day when the freshman are little lost piglets trying to stay within their groups and not get crushed by the older bodies._

I probably have like a good five minutes to sleep, why am I even up?

As soon as my lights were flickered on, my eyes squeezed shut and I hissed through my teeth at the attacker of my light switch before throwing my blankets over my head, choosing to reside in the darkness of the sheets. Maybe if I kept still and didn’t move then whoever it was that decided to turn on the lights in my room would just walk away and leave me to miss the first day of school.

“Oh no you don’t,” came my mother’s response and I felt a sharp smack to my leg that had me jolting up from my bed in seconds. As soon as I was up, the blankets slipped off my head and I was met with the sight of my mother; a beautiful brunette woman with sparkling teal-green eyes and already in her business suit; dressed to impress. Her bright eyes settled on the chocolate mob that was my hair and her mouth twisted in amusement. “You know I can’t be late. I’m telling Annie to check on you in five minutes and if you go back to sleep, I’ll splash you with a bucket of cold water and ice.” She beamed at me and turned. “And comb your hair too,” she added.

I wasn’t too threatened by the idea of the bucket of water, especially since my room tended to be hot and this was one of those times, but seeing my mom dressed threw me back into reality. She was going on that business trip today.

I couldn’t make her late.

Throwing my legs over the side of the bed, I picked up my phone that was sitting on the nightstand and kept it in the charger as I quickly checked the weather. It was going to be hot, practically in the high eighties.

If I had rolled my eyes any harder, they probably would have gotten lost in the back of my head and my first day of sophomore year would consist of everyone being freaked out by my pupil-less eyeballs.

I stood up and headed for the bathroom, finding Annie there and already halfway through brushing her teeth. She was barefoot and had on a white tank top and the red pajama pants that I had given her a long time ago. As a morning greeting, I shot her a wicked grin and playfully bumped her with my hips so that she moved over to give me room to brush my teeth. And though I knew how much she hated it, I couldn’t help placing my hand on top of her head and ruffling her blonde hair.

She yanked her toothbrush from her mouth and shoved me in the shoulder. “Fuck…! Stop messing up my hair, Eren.”

Her reaction was already funny enough, but I couldn’t help adding on. “Language,” I laughed, winning an elbow to the stomach that had me falling back into the door with a multitude of pained giggles. “What? It’s not like you brushed it!”

She glared at the mirror and it felt as if her glare bounced off the glass and hit me square in the face. I might have pissed myself if she didn’t look so cute with the purple toothbrush resting on her tongue and hanging out her mouth as she leered.

Annie was my adopted sister. Usually the first thing other adults would ask is, “are you step-siblings?” which was as close as they could get. Nobody ever seemed to confuse us with being blood-related, especially when we stood beside my mother. I was practically the spitting image of her; the brown locks of hair, the determined and expressive greenish eyes, the tanned skin. Annie _wasn’t;_ her eyes were a deep blue that held many secrets, that always seemed distant and lost. Her hair was blonde, always tied up in a bun except when she slept and her skin was pale, much lighter than mine and my mom’s.

Years ago, Annie was a dependent little thing and she still is today, but not as much. At first, she constantly clung to me, probably because we were both kids and my mother was a 'scary' adult. She’d call her ‘Carla’ or ‘Ms.” despite my mom always wishing her to refer to her as her mother.

She had no problem calling me her brother though and I remember working non-stop to get her to trust my mother which she eventually did. And the older she got, the more she depended on my mom and less on me.

I figured it was just that Annie wasn’t too keen on running to me and crying about her.... _bloody_ problems.

_Ha. You did a thing there, Eren._

As soon as I was done brushing, I made a mad and excited dash for my room when I recalled my weekly routine of checking my weight. I quite literally dived beside my bed like a volleyball player trying to make a save and reached under it, pulling out the ugly gray weighing machine my dad had given me. It was already set for my age and height so I didn’t have to do much with it. Soon my socks were flying across the room and I anxiously stepped onto the machine after setting it to zero, squeezing my eyes shut and crossing my fingers.

Seconds later, the machine was beeping quietly and I took a deep breath before looking down.

103.2.

My smile dropped when my mind went back in time of the weight before.

_103.1._

Had I literally gained an _ounce_? A fluid ounce over the course of an entire week? What the ever living fuck had I been stuffing in my face and down my throat all this time? What pills had I been swallowing twice a day in order to slow down my metabolism?

The room was suddenly much colder than it had felt a minute ago and I could feel my mouth beginning to dry up as if someone had sucked the moisture out of it. When my toes curled in effort to hold back the screams that wanted to escape my lips, the short nails scratched against the weighing machine and I slowly stepped off of it. My body was making an involuntary detour towards my dresser and the last thing I wanted to do was to look in the mirror, but that’s the first thing my eyes choose to observe.

I was slim, not bony or disgustingly skinny, but I was thin for a guy; lanky and tall, anything but big. Puberty could only do so much for me, my shoulders broadened, but not by much. My waist was small, unlike a girl, my hips weren’t supposed to widen and I was starting to wish they did. It would have served to make me look at least somewhat bigger. Like a male was supposed to be.

My eyes rose to my stomach and my thin fingers were suddenly inching towards the hem of my white T-shirt, grabbing its edges and pulling upward to reveal the skin of my torso.

I had been a picky eater when I was younger, eating like a bird and using my spoon to move around the things I thought looked, smelled or tasted gross to me. My mother and father never scolded me for it too much, especially because for the most part, they didn’t see it. They didn’t see me quietly throw away food, barely eat the lunch food at school or even flush portions down the toilet at home.

My ribs showed just a little bit in the past but by the fourth grade, they were gone, covered by what little fat I did have. And I didn’t have them now either which I was thankful for, but if I had known I’d have this problem in the future, I would have ate like my life had depended on it back then.

Now here I was, fifteen years old and not the weight that was considered average for my gender and age group. I should have been almost twenty pounds heavier according to the society norm. So in other words, I was classified as underweight.

And for that, I got shit for it almost everyday. Call me paranoid, but despite the fact that every mention of my weight came from an apparent friend, I still felt threatened by each comment. I felt like it was said to do me harm. It was as if I were the target with an apple sitting on my head and my friend’s were the archers, trying to impale the apple with their arrows.

Except they always hit me instead. On purpose.

_“Do you even eat, Eren? You’re so thin.”_

_“You’re so small! It’s like I could break you if I hugged you or something!”_

_“I can literally wrap my hand around your wrist!”_

This and that was _bony_.

This and that was _skinny_.

I never managed to get away from any comment someone made about my body. I was well aware of my thinness, but I didn't need to be reminded every goddamn hour of the day with some careless remark. Hell, I was lucky nobody pulled the ‘anorexia’ one on me. Yet. And the last thing I wanted to do was to throw my sob story on the table for everyone to soak in. My metabolism was crazy and my appetite was acute, leaving me with less calories to store and leaving my own body practically eat itself for much needed nutrients like a leech.

My hands slid down the skin of my stomach, my shirt slowly coming down with it until it eventually covered my thin body once more. I didn’t even realize I was holding my breath and my reflection was blinking rapidly back at me as if trying to keep from crying.

The sound of soft footsteps padding up could be heard and I turned my attention to my doorway. Annie was standing at the threshold of my room, wearing an ‘EXO’ T-shirt and her red pajama pants. At first, she had her usual jaded expression and her mouth opened as if she were about to say something, but she stopped and her blues searched my greens for the answer to whatever her question was.

I wasn’t too keen on holding her gaze, feeling that I may cry if I did so I retreated to my bed and plopped down on it, resting my elbows on my knees and holding my face in my hands. The deep sigh that came from my lips was almost like Annie’s calling and she was by my side in seconds. She didn’t sit, she just stood by me and her presence was surprisingly weak, almost like a ghost. “Eren...?”

I could feel my lip quivering violently against my will and I cleared my throat in hopes of avoiding my voice cracking. “It didn’t work….”

Annie must have been at a loss for words because she didn’t say a thing to me for almost a whole minute and halfway through it, I felt her small hand gently ruffle my brown locks as if trying to comfort me. That was it. She really didn’t know what to say, just like how I didn’t know what to do. Not anymore.

I was fated to always be this thin, this….. _skinny_. And no matter how many times Mikasa, Annie, Armin or my mother tried to tell me that it was simply my bone structure, I would always think otherwise because just like how people lose weight, people gained it too. I just must have been doing something wrong.

Except I didn’t know what _it_ was.

 

_Shinganshina High. It’s nice to see you again._

Annie and I said a quick goodbye to our mother and I grimaced when she made a frantic grasp for my head and showered my face in kisses. I knew I wouldn’t be seeing her for a while after this, but that didn’t mean that I would accept the smooches gratefully. I seriously could have lived with a simple hug, a sweet smile and a wave.

That was all that was needed, mom. Please keep it professional in public.

“You’ll have your entire song written by the time I get back right? And you’ll sing it for me?” My mother asked, her lips tightening into a small, pleading pout as she batted her eyelashes at me.

I waved her off and nodded, more focused on throwing my filled-to-the-brim-with-supplies backpack over my shoulder. My hand unconsciously went up to push up my large black glasses and then I adjusted the backpack strap. “Yeah I will…” I usually brought my guitar with me to school, but I figured emptying my backpack would be easier load on me so I left it behind today. It was only the first day of school anyway so I had plenty of later dates to pick from.

Annie was standing nearby, waiting for me and tapping her heel against the pavement of the sidewalk anxiously. As I walked by, I nodded to her and she followed me through the front doors of the school. We took an automatic right as soon as we entered, turning into the cafeteria where everyone normally waited for the first bell to ring.

The lunch room was extremely large and exactly how I remembered it; brightly lit with almost white floors decorated with squares of red, yellow, green and blue. The benches were whiter than the floor, lined together with enough space in between so people could walk around. I almost wanted to gag at the scent; it stank of a newly opened school just now cleaned by the janitors, mixed in with the nervous stench of students impatiently waiting to get the first day over and done with.

I usually maneuvered quite well through crowds, quickly and almost robotically, but my movements more so consisted of me glancing over my shoulder to make sure Annie hadn’t lost me. This had become a habit for me because it was possible that she’d have a panic attack otherwise like she had after getting lost in the store more than once.

Reaching the back and opening the doors to the courtyard outside was like being hit with a sudden burst of anything-but-people-who-didn’t-shower properly. I could even hear Annie mimicking my actions, taking in a deep and relieved breath of fresh air.

The courtyard wasn’t nearly as packed as the cafeteria had felt but that could’ve been because of the bigger space and the larger gaps between groups of people. A couple of guys were playing basketball with the hoop to the right and to the left was a mob of blue circular tables and benches where people sat and chatted amongst themselves.

I wasn’t too keen on making eye contact with anyone I didn’t really know so as soon as my eyes found a familiar blonde bob cut,my feet were heading in that direction. Armin was sitting at a table with three other recognizable mobs of hair and his deep blue eyes happened to glaze over my way by the time Annie and I made it over.

The little smile on his face grew wide. “Eren! Annie!”

The three other heads turned to follow Armin’s gaze and I suddenly felt nostalgic, as if I hadn’t seen these faces in a long time. One of them was a olive-toned, tall and nervous male named Bertholdt. He was wrapped up in his black ‘class of 2017’ hoodie, wore jeans and a pair of grey converse. The raven-haired girl beside him with the stoic face and the tight pink lips was Mikasa. Her entire outfit consisted of black; the shirt, the jeans, the shoes. The only thing that contradicted her attire was her pale skin. Then there was Sasha, the bubbly brunette with a messy high ponytail, large purple glasses and the derpy grin. She had on a brown and red striped jacket a size too big and tight blue jeans.

I would have wondered why Annie was moving away from me so nonchalantly, but then I momentarily caught the sight of Sasha now launching herself at me with a wild grin on her face as she screeched my name in excitement. My instincts had my eyes squeezing shut and my body bracing itself for the impact of a crazy female and the hard concrete floor. Luckily she held back on the energy, and I was able to maintain my footing when she threw herself at me and her arms around my neck, practically choking me.

“Nice to see you too, Sasha…” I rasped, tapping her arm like I wanted to tap out of a wrestling choke hold. “Uh…..can I please breathe?”

Sasha pulled back from the embrace, giving me a sheepish, apologetic smile. “Sorry…!”

I noticed Mikasa’s dark eyes squinting at me in a glare, except her lips were quite the opposite, forming a slight curved smile. Before I knew it, I was doing the same thing with my face. Then Bert was. Then Sasha and finally Armin. Annie kept her same jaded expression.

“Eren.” Mikasa said.

“Mikasa.” I responded, turning my attention to the enthusiastic brunette next to me. “Sasha.”

“Eren,” Sasha replied, wiggling her eyebrows comically. “Bertholdt.”

The tall male eyed her. “Sasha….” then he looked to Armin. “Armin.”

“Bertholdt,” the blonde murmured. “Annie.”

“Armin,” Annie mumbled monotonously. “Eren.”

“Annie.”

Saying that we were a little more than weird could have been an understatement.

 

The summer before was when I considered having my first real crush. Not the kind that you notice in the hallway because they're so cute and they have no fucking idea who you are, but the kind that you actually can call a friend. I’m talking about the kind of crush who knows who you are, who knows your name, who has said your name-- the one who  _actually_ talks to you.

The summer before was when my dad had practically poked and prodded at me to go ahead and do something for the church or, if we want to de-sugar coat it, do something _productive_ during the break instead of sitting around on my lazy ass. He eventually got under my skin with it and I decided I’d be take part in the habitat for humanity event. I needed the volunteer hours anyway.

But I wasn’t about to just go with a bunch of kids I didn’t like from my sunday school class and build houses as I bathe in my own sweat and tears so I ended up sending a mass text to a couple of my friends, asking if they wanted to come along. I made sure to do it ahead of time since minors needed to get a permission slip signed in order to be able to work. Annie, for once, was planning on sibling betrayal and leaving me to be consumed by the older sunday school classmates, but Mikasa was the first to respond to my text. I still vaguely remember waving the reply in Annie’s face teasingly and watching her eyes slightly widened.

And that’s how Annie changed her mind.

Sasha and Bertholdt hadn’t been able to make it, but Armin responded with a yes almost as quickly as Mikasa had. Having them two and Annie would suffice my need to be surrounded by actual friends.

It’s hard to forget how much I dreaded the few days before Habitat for Humanity. The excitement I felt for the event to come was deflated as soon as Mikasa sent me a text that literally started with the word ‘sorry’ and ended with it. Still it was understandable, but if I were her, I think I would have said sorry a _few more_ times. She was bringing along her cousin, Levi.

 _Levi._  

The name would probably make anyone cringe as hard as I had when I read that name if they knew who he was. He was the definition of a prick; his face was probably next to the goddamn word in the dictionary because that’s how much of a prick he was. He was a sharp-tongued, smart ass who had no regards for anyone’s feelings and made way too many sexual references. Though his personality was shit, it was hard to get by his attractive appearance that put every vampire and werewolf in Twilight to shame. He wasn’t too far from Mikasa with the raven hair, the pale skin and stoic expression. His eyes might have been somewhere between a stormy grey and a light blue; they were constantly narrowed, almost as if he never stopped glaring. He hardly smiled unless he cracked a joke or made a snarky comment in which his lips would only curve a little. The top of his undercut was usually slicked to the side and I’d be lying if I said it didn’t suit him.

But his nice hairstyle didn’t change anything. He was still an asshole regardless. Or at least I thought so.

Until the day for Habitat for Humanity came.

We all had to meet up at the church first since the sunday school teachers would be taking us to the building site. Annie and I ended up rushing out of the house and getting our papers signed at the last minute, but we still made it in time and by then, everyone was there and ready to go. Except for Levi. He had this face that said he’d rather be anywhere else but here.

I figured he had been forced to go and I knew that feeling all too well so I decided I would actually try to befriend him and make him feel comfortable. I knew he didn’t need it nor did he deserve it, but sometimes I was just too nice for my own good. I figured perhaps it would backfire on me somehow.

As we were headed for the buses, I nonchalantly hung back from my friends and started matching Levi’s casual, jaded walking pace.

“You look pissed,” I pointed out, watching his eyebrows furrow in such an obvious annoyance that almost made me want to bolt. This guy was intense. “Woke up on the wrong side of the bed?” I tried, halfheartedly. “....or did you fall off the bed maybe?”

_Smooth. You suck, Eren.  
_

He was refusing to meet my gaze and it was making me feel weird so I opted to stare ahead and focus on the back of Annie’s head instead. The sound of his tongue clicking and the way he rolled his eyes seriously had me questioning why I even tried.  “Why are you talking to me?”

_He was questioning it too, huh?_

The bitter taste in my mouth could have been either my disgust in how rude this guy was or it might have been me silently agreeing with him as to why I even bothered with him. Even Mikasa wasn’t bothering with him. Still, as much as I disliked him, it wouldn’t make the trip any less painful if he chose to be by himself and it didn’t quite seem like he knew that.

“We’re going in that?” His voice threw me back into reality and I followed his gaze. We were headed for a white van that would be serving as our transportation to the site. “Stuffing a bunch of children into a white van. Seems legit,” Levi murmured, probably more to himself than to me.

I had the bite the inside of my cheek to keep from responding with something snarky because he was seriously starting to piss me off. That remark hadn’t went by me in the slightest, I understood it good and well, and it was honestly the most stupidest thing I had ever heard. If he meant it as a joke, it wasn’t funny at all.

_This guy. Immature and a prick._

How did Mikasa deal with this daily?

 

He didn’t say a thing the entire way there and I honestly didn’t mind it. The lack of snark coming from his mouth was just what I needed to keep this morning smooth.

Once we arrived, we had to wait in a line to turn in our permission slips in order to get name tags. I wasn’t expecting them to be anything special or fancy like a card with our pictures and info on them, but I most certainly didn’t think it would be a blue piece of tape with our names written on them in sharpie either.

No complaints from me, but I perfectly heard Levi murmur to Mikasa about these people sticking a piece of trash with his name on it onto his clean shirt.

And I found myself biting the inside of my cheek once again.

Our group leader was a nice, young-looking brunette lady named Rose. Once the entire building community had separated to their designated house sites, each group was given an instructor to sum up the basics of the labor that would be done today. As inexperienced minors, we would be doing the easier jobs such as transporting the patches of grass and rolling them onto the lawn while the adults handled the house itself.

When we had first arrived, I noticed a small dog running around the area and I had no idea if it was someone’s dog who had just gotten free from their leash or a stray who just lived in this part of the neighborhood. It was no big deal to me, but the second dog popping up out of nowhere made things a little bit more than awkward.

Armin, Mikasa, Annie, Levi and I were practically in the back of the gathered group, huddled together in our own little pack. Annie was constantly interactive with Armin and Mikasa’s little sidemark conversations and usually I was just on the side with Levi standing right next to me, so of course that left me being Levi’s first target.

He quite literally leaned into me, elbowing his shoulder into my arm in the middle of Rose’s instructions. Though I was positive I didn’t have to pay attention because my sunday school teacher would just repeat it in a few minutes, I tried to ignore him and pretend like I was listening to our instructor.

But then he just elbowed me a little harder the second time and I snappily turned on him, hissing in a whisper. “What do you want?”

For the first time since he arrived, he actually looked somewhat amused, his lips caught between a straight line and a curved grin. He didn’t say anything to me, he just casually darted his eyes in a direction that I assumed I was supposed to follow and what I ended up seeing was something I wish I hadn’t. The first dog from earlier had made a friend. Or a friend-with-benefits because they were sure getting it on like it.

I could hear the little breathy laugh that was caught in Levi’s throat when I flinched at the sight of the two feisty dogs and turned to look down at me feet. If my face was red now, it didn’t help that they decided to start yipping loudly, catching the attention of most of the group. Rose only paused momentarily as she followed everyone’s gaze and then abruptly went back to what she was saying as if two animals weren’t making mad love only a few feet away and in plain sight.

I decided that hanging onto each and every word that came from my instructor’s mouth was the best thing I could do right now.

 

The work wasn’t as bad as I thought it would be. Rose ended up pulling Levi away from the group which I had no problem with at all. She thought he looked strong enough to push the wheelbarrow to transport pieces of grass around. Armin, Mikasa, Annie and I got stationed at a pile of patched grass where we had to pull the pieces apart from each other in nice sectioned squares so they could be placed onto the lawn.

The only thing was that doing that was fucking hard.

The soil was delicate and easily ripped so Annie and Mikasa especially continuously pried little balls away or yanked small parts from the the big square pieces. For Armin and I, the only thing we were having trouble with was lifting them up and placing them into Levi’s wheelbarrow. They were heavier than they looked and we were weaker than we looked. I’m just glad we were able to amuse Levi at least while he stood there and waited for us to fill it up. It was pretty obvious how tickled he was with the way the corner of his lips curled upwards.

I directed a scowl his way as I continued doing my own work. “I’m glad Armin and I are on your top three most entertaining things to watch right now list, but you could at least help us---fu…!” I bit back any sort of profanity that threatened to escape my mouth and dropped the patch piece that I had just picked up, staring down at it with furrowed eyebrows. “What the heck is inside this one? That was like picking up a sumo baby with rocks in its diapers!”

Annie maneuvered around me with two patches stacked in her hands, mocking me silently. “Its probably one of those patches with lots of undersoil. Rose said some of them have more than others,” she murmured.

“I think you would have remembered if you were actually listening instead of being distracted by two animals mating,” Armin added before he whimpered and went back to working when I glowered at him.

“How everyone managed to not get distracted by those frick-fracking freaky animals is beyond me,” I retorted in a mumble. My eyes dropped back down to the heavy patch in front of me and I heaved out a heavy sigh, bending down to wrap my fingers around the soil underside again. Avoiding it wasn’t going to help, plus Mikasa and Annie had their own pile to work on and if I had trouble picking it up, Armin was already out of the question.

As soon as I pulled it up, all of its heavy weight went straight to my back and I had to grit my teeth. I pressed it up against my body for support, but when I turned to take it to the wheelbarrow, its mass suddenly left, literally gone from my hands.

My breath caught because Levi’s face was too close to mine for comfort and I stepped back to give myself more space, my hands instinctively letting go of the grass patch when Levi’s gloved fingers touched mine. He was now walking towards the wheelbarrow with the patch he had stolen from my arms.

I watched him place it into the wheelbarrow and turn back, brushing past me to get to the grass pile. “It wasn’t even as heavy as you made it sound. You’re a fucking drama queen,” he said and normally it would have took every ounce of willpower I had not to counter that, but I was currently too confused to even form a comeback.

My gloved finger tips were kneading rubber against rubber, barely feeling the leftover crumbs of soil and dirt. Yeah, that heavy sumo baby patch was most _definitely_ not in my hands anymore. I felt like my eyes had deceived me and made me hallucinate, but that wasn’t case. The king of assholes seriously had just helped me without being asked and I didn’t know why.

“Eren, don’t just stand there,” Armin soft voice snapped me out of my thoughts and I caught sight of Rose who was observing everyone’s progress and probably coming straight for us next.

I scurried back to work and started helping Levi and Armin pile more patches into the wheelbarrow. I tried not to pay it much attention, but I could feel Levi eyeing me closely as we carried grass and stacked it, and I made it my mission to not look at him. If there was one thing I hated, it was making unnecessary and awkward eye contact with someone you didn’t want to.

After praising Annie and Mikasa on their almost empty pile, Rose strolled over to us with a sweet smile plastered on her face as her eyes scanned our pile that was a-little-less-than-half gone. She nodded her head approvingly. “Nice job, boys.” She then regarded Levi who was manhandling three patches at a time. “Oh...Levi, right? You mind starting on the lawn and rolling the patches out? I think you collected a good amount. I’ll take over your job.”

The raven threw the patches into the wheelbarrow and shrugged. “Alright.”

“And…” Rose inched towards me and took a peek at my name tag. “Eren. I knew that was your name! I just didn’t want to get it wrong. I always get names right but I tend to never trust my memory even though it’s pretty good!” She giggled quietly. “Mind helping Levi out?” I shook my head. “And Armin! Move over with Mikasa and Annie; they're almost done with their stack. Then come back to this pile if nobody takes it over.”

“Aye, aye captain~” the blonde piped. He waved at me before heading to join Annie and Mikasa. “Don’t run into sumo baby patch grass while you’re rolling out the lawn, Eren!”

“Don’t turn into He-man while you’re picking up heavy patches, Armin! Use your own strength!”

“Ha...ha…funny.” He retorted. "Absolutely silly."

Levi was already rolling the full wheelbarrow towards the dirt-covered lawn when I turned around and I hurried after him. He parked it on the sidewalk and paused, staring between his pants and the dirt-covered ground with a somewhat conflicted look on his face. My eyes rolled without my permission. One of the other well-known qualities about the king of assholes was that he was a clean freak.

He wasn’t going to sit down on the dirt ground apparently.

I didn’t even bother to address him on the subject, instead I parked my ass on the ground beside the wheelbarrow and started to get to work. Levi sighed and I may have heard some sort of rich-kid-too-clean-to-work attitude in that huff, but he sat down nonetheless and started following my lead in silence. It surprised me and I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t impressed.

Needless to say, I was getting one surprise after another. I was seeing qualities in Levi that he didn’t show at school, things that he kept from high school peers. I was seeing a guy who was actually capable of smiling even if it was only a slight curl in his lips.

I was seeing a guy who was amused by dogs humping the yip-yap out of each other in plain sight. I was seeing a guy who was nice enough to help others and who could tolerate something he didn’t like for the sake of a homeless family.

I was seeing someone I didn’t see before.

And he was making me like someone I didn’t like before.

I didn’t want to be thinking about this though. The more I think about it, the more I knew it'd bother me. So I tried to focus on the task at hand, placing the patches side by side and squishing them together to hide the under-dirt of the lawn. My only hope was that I wasn’t developing a little crush. Especially not on a guy like Levi.

The overwhelming power beckoning my gaze to look to the side was a bit too much and I ended up giving into it, side-glancing at Levi. He seemed entranced by his work on the lawn, not even so much as peering my way. It was as if he didn’t even realize I was next to him in the first place. I could see the muscles in his arms tensing every time he pressed a patch of grass into the ground. The grey-blue in his eyes were trained on the little spaces between every separate piece of grass as he tried to compress them together.

I hadn’t even noticed that I had stopped working until Levi’s eyes flickered in my direction questioningly. “Why did you….” His voice trailed off and his grey-blue orbs narrowed, the slight curl coming back to haunt his lips. “Your face is red. What the fuck are you blushing about? The dogs?”

By the time he mentioned my red face, I was already frantically going back to work and practically throwing my entire weight on the patches as I tried to compress them down. “O-Of course not! That’s fucking gross!” Not my best defense, I realized, but it was all I could think of in the heat of the moment.

Levi clicked his tongue and rolled his eyes, turning his attention back to his patch. “You know, that’s what we call being horny. Humans do that shit too, you know…..and doggy style is a pretty common posit-”

“Thank you for your concern about my sex ed!” I retorted in a loud voice. “But this is not the time to be educating me on sex positions, Professor Levi. Maybe another time.”

“Alright,” he responded, and I could have sworn I caught him grin just a little more than his normal curled lip. “We can finish this lesson another day. Class dismissed.”

I snorted. “Get a life.”

Levi had stopped what he was doing and was now eyeing me as I continued working on smoothing the patches together. It was one of the most intimidating stares I had ever gotten in my life and I eventually had to stop to ask him what the fuck he was doing because he was making me nervous.

“You’re being lazy with those patches.” He said.

He thought I was being lazy with the patches when I was over here throwing all of my weight on them just to make it look decent? I looked down at my side of the lawn and grimaced. Compared to Levi’s, my side really did seem lazily put together. While his looked like one large rug of grass that had been rolled out, it was obvious that mine was separate patches because little spaces gave away the dirt underneath.

I sighed and nearly rubbed my temples with dirt-covered gloves. “Shit….”

Levi shrugged and crawled over to my side. “It’s not like you did a….” he looked over my work. “...a completely shitty job. It’s like a beautiful piece of shit. Not a shitty piece of shit.” I noticed how he had gotten particularly closer to me now and my heart was starting to do these weird beat skips while my stomach was flipping about. I didn’t like it at all and I had to causally put some space between us to make my body stop these abnormal, unconscious movements.

“A shitty piece of shit…” I repeated with a hint of sarcastic undertone, scooting away just a little more to satisfy my need to calm my body. “You’re charming.”

“I don’t try,” Levi admitted, pressing both his hands down into the patches of grass. I watched him compress the edges of the grass with his palms, slightly picking himself up so that his weight helped apply force. “If you press down where the edges meet, it looks a lot better than just trying to squeeze them together. Use your body if you have to. You want to make it seem like these little shit squares are one big rectangle-fuck-thing.”

_One big rectangle-fuck-thing._

I couldn’t help the huge grin I cracked from those last words. Absolutely _charming_. “So you actually care about this? I mean, making the lawn look good even for a poor family?” I asked, joining him on re-doing my side and putting his technique to use.

“I don’t do shitty jobs and I hate half-assing work,” he replied with a small shrug.

“So is that a yes…?” I teased.

His eyes flickered up at me threateningly and I once again remembered who it was I was talking to and attempting to tease. “Watch it, Jaeger.”

“I’m watching it…”

 

Rose was proud of the way Levi and I handled the lawn. She said it looked quite professional and I knew who was responsible for it. By the time we had finished, there was still some work to do on other houses so we joined back up with Annie and the others and started piling up grass patches again.

Surprisingly, Levi and I engaged in casual conversation that never got awkward enough to break off. I could tell how shocked Mikasa was too; her face was still stoic, but she shot me weird glances every now and then, and I knew she’d be questioning me later on this sudden acquaintance-ship we had created. On the other hand, Armin didn’t seem surprised and Annie probably just didn’t care.

I almost wanted to run and tackle Rose down when she called us for a water break because, holy fucking shit balls, it was getting hot outside. Around when Levi and I started working on the lawn, the sun had decided to rear it’s ugly, hot head over the horizon and the clouds weren’t strong enough to block it’s evil heat rays. I wasn’t usually one to chug my drinks, but I gulped the water down faster than I ever thought was possible for me.

“I seriously feel like my sweat is sweating sweat,” I whimpered. "....Anybody else curious as to how bad that smells? Come on, someone smell me!"

Levi was slowly shaking his head and eyeing me as if I were his son and I had just brought dishonor to the family. “That’s fucking disgusting.”

“You’ll get use to it,” Mikasa murmured, leaning lazily against Annie who was quietly sipping her water. “He’s the definition of disgusting. Out of all my friends, Eren is number one in the ‘most likely to picture you naked at an inappropriate time’ list. Plus, he’s super dirty minded and probably thinks about gay porn throughout the-”

Just to prove her point, I purposely leaned over and threw myself at Mikasa, wrapping my arms around her and capturing Annie in the embrace in the process. "Touch me..." I whispered as seductively as I could possibly manage.

She went stiff and groaned. “I can feel your sweat, you sick child.”

“I have to live with that,” Annie said.

Armin let out a small giggle and patted the blonde girl on the head. “I couldn’t imagine that kind of torture, Annie. It must be so hard.”

The sound of betrayal had me sitting up, releasing Annie and Mikasa from my sweaty death hug. I shot little he-man a glare and pouted. “I thought you were supposed to be my angelic friend! You better get your line right next time, my wing man!” I cautioned with narrowed eyeballs.

“I’d like to audition for a new role please,” Armin confessed sweetly, blue eyes sparkling mischievously like a little devil disguised as an angel. “One that actually fits me.”

Levi nodded his head approvingly. “I like this guy.”

“You’re mean, but I guess I like you too,” Armin gushed.

The raven feigned hurt, clutching his chest dramatically. “I’m not mean. My mouth is just full of shit most of the time.”

“That’s why you wipe in the morning before you go to school, kids.” I jeered with a grin. “Or else you’ll end up like Levi here and everything you say will stink of an asshole.” As soon as I said that, Mikasa and Armin both simultaneously held up their hands and I high fived them both.

Levi snorted. “I’d take all three of you on, but I don’t fight unless my opponents have a chance at winning-- oops.”

Armin blinked. “Oh.”

“Oh?” Mikasa repeated.

“What if we add Annie?” I inquired, gesturing towards my adopted sister, feeling a victorious grin creeping on my face.

The blonde and the raven caught gazes, both glaring each other down in a threatening silence as they sized one another up. I could see Armin contorting into himself and after a while, even I was cringing at how intensely they both were staring at each other and neither of them were even looking at me.

Levi was the first one to break the eye contact and the corner of his lips curled up in amusement. “.....maybe,” he mused quietly. “Maybe as in ‘I’d beat all of you and then Annie could win’.”

Annie popped her knuckles, keeping her ice blue orbs trained on Levi. “Want to find out?”

“Guys! We’re at Habitat for Humanity!” Armin squeaked and I couldn’t keep the shit-eating grin from forming on my face. "Where is YOUR humanity?!"

“Fight for Humanity!” I bellowed, pumping my fists into the air and ignoring Armin’s warning whines in the background. _‘Errren, nuuuu---' what was that, Arlert.?  I can't hear you cause I'm too busy giving no fucks._ I looked between Levi and Annie excitedly. “I want a clean fight, you two! There will be no boob-grabbing or ball kicking! That's a.... _low_ blow. Fatality his ass, Annie. Alright?”

Levi groaned and sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose. “You really are a nerd….”

“Tell me about it,” Annie chided.

 

 

The bus ride back to church, I hardly even remember probably because everyone, including me, had literally passed the fuck out. Once we had settled into the white van, we all had a silent agreement that was something along the lines of ‘ _sleep is much more important than talking to your ass. Peace._ ’

I do remember Levi launching himself at Mikasa like a rag doll though.

This was the first time I had seen Levi actually freak out for something; he had been the last one to step onto the bus and without warning, shoved past me yelling, “MOVE! THE BACK IS MINE!” His push was light, but my footing wasn’t the best at the moment and I ended up colliding with the window and stifling a loud curse because I wasn’t about to drop the F-bomb in front of my sunday school teachers.

Annie practically dodged Levi after she heard me slam into the window. She contorted to the side easily and allowed for him to force his way past her without struggle. Armin whimpered when he was shoved into the seat he was standing next to and frantically crawled into it, making a feeble attempt to get away from the raven-haired leprechaun and yelling, “You’re so mean!” Out of all of us, Mikasa was the only one who hadn’t tried to move, instead she straightened up and became an obstacle for her cousin to get over.

Levi wasn’t having it. He huffed and eyed her, shaking his head slowly. “You’re a shitty piece of-!” He didn’t even bother to finish his sentence before throwing himself onto her back, wrapping his arms around her neck and trapping her waist with his legs.

While they struggled, Mikasa trying to get her cousin off of her back and Levi trying to climb over her to get to the back seat first, I sighed and glanced out the window. Rose was currently speaking with my sunday school teachers. Our instructor had saved us from a tongue lashing, but I knew we wouldn’t be avoiding it if they returned before they stopped arguing, cursing and horseplaying.  This was an extreme case of violent and competitive cousins.

In the end, Levi made it over Mikasa and his body weight practically pushed her down to the ground. She decided she would have the finishing move though and grabbed his ankle, yanking him down to the ground with her. He slipped down and clutched the seat to cushion his fall.

“You’re going _down_ for that later,” Levi growled at her through gritted teeth.

Mikasa was breathing hard, but there was a wickedly amused smirk playing on her lips. “You’re the one who went down this time,” she chided before starting a monotonous song. “French croissant is falling down, falling down, falling down. The French croissant is falling down~”

“Fuck you, lady~” He finished.

Armin started clapping loud and obnoxiously. “Beautiful, guys. Can we all just sit down now?”

“I agree with the blonde male,” I piped, turning a little sarcastic. “Unless you guys want to continue fighting and cursing so we can prolong the trip by getting yelled at for using such language and engaging in horseplay. Not that I mind, it’s kind of entertaining anyway.”

Mikasa’s dark eyes rolled and she scoot into the seat with Armin, pushing the boy back to the window. “I didn’t want the back seat anyway,” she said before patting the empty spot next to her. “Annie, you can sit next to me since Eren wants to be a muff.”

Once Annie had sat down, I scooted into the back seat beside Levi and leaned forward, eyeing Mikasa with a curious green orbs. “Do you know what that is, Mikasa? A muff….I mean...”

“Of course I do, Eren. I breathe the muff.”

I groaned, playfully shoving the back of her head. “Gross. You’re the sick child here.”

And somewhere during the bus ride back to the church, we all fell asleep. Rose had worked us to the bone with the houses, but in the end, I was glad I allowed my dad to push me into it. Doing charity work actually does make you feel good, and doing it with friends is even better, but it drains all the living shit out of you.

I woke up to a bump in the road that shook the bus on the way. It startled me awake and I jolted up slightly, my initial thought floating somewhere between ‘ _what time is it_ ’ and ‘ _wow I’m still so fucking tired, I’m going back to sleep. Fuck all you bitches_.’ Except when my head went back to find it’s pillow, it found a strong shoulder instead.

My eyes snapped open and I flinched, sitting upright suddenly. I forced myself to take in the sight of Levi sleeping right next to me with his head leaned against the window. Once realization set in I breathed out deeply and scooted away because I had in fact been laying on a shoulder I didn’t want to be laying on.

_At least I thought I didn't want to be laying on it._

 

 

I felt the hard cover of a notebook slam into the top of my head and I jolted up, my glasses falling off my face and onto the table. “Wha-WHA! I’m up!” I babbled, frantically trying to grab my glasses that kept slipping from my grasp when I didn’t grip it completely. I could hear Armin’s little giggles accompanied by wild echoes of hyena laughter as I finally managed to capture my frames, putting them on and squinting up at my attacker.

“What the fuck?”

Hanji was clutching her stomach, a balled fist clenching her black Jurassic Park T-shirt and her mouth agape as heaved, choking on her own laughter. She had her brown hair tied back in a high ponytail, her green glasses bringing unnecessary flare to her personality and the green jeans she wore to match.

“Who even sleeps during lunch on the first day of--?! You look--! What-!" Her cackling was preventing her from finishing her sentences and every time she tried to speak, she would try to look at me before going straight back to her uncontrollable hyena noises. "I’m sorry I-! I just-!” She seemed on the verge of crying, honest to god trying to calm herself, but in vain. “Holy shiii… I can’t breathe, Eren! I CAN’T…!” She wheezed.

I sat there and wiped at my face with my sleeve because I didn't know what the fuck was so funny. All I knew was that it was making me hundred times more self-conscious than I naturally tend to be.

“Hanji came over to tell you about her pool party this weekend,” Armin explained, patting the choking brunette on the back. “But the way she startled you awake….was quite hilarious, I guess.”

She nodded, coughing a few times and then hacking. “Ugh. Ew. Haha, that was gross,” she noted before straightening her back and pushing her glasses up. “But yeah, what the blonde said! I’m having a pool party this weekend and I want to invite you!”

I cocked an eyebrow at her questioningly. I didn’t quite understand why _Hanji Zoe_ wanted to invite me to a pool party when we weren’t even really friends. On top of that, we weren't even in the same class. Okay, it’s not that we weren’t acquainted, but we weren’t at the level of inviting each other to parties and such. I didn’t want to say that to her face though. Especially when she was smiling at me so... _._ _stupidly_.

“For what?” I asked through gritted teeth.

“Just to hang out. It’s random! Plus, it's still warm out so why not!” Hanji squawked excitedly, her eyes sparkling behind her glasses. She clasped her hands together tightly and started bouncing on her toes, putting on a pleading baby face. “Please go! Please, please, please, please, please, please, please, plea-!”

Honestly, I wasn’t in the mood to do anything this weekend but sit around and try to force myself to eat so I could gain a few pounds. But I was more inclined to make Hanji shut up.

“Okay!”

“Yay!” She screeched, startling me when she practically leaped over the table just to tackle me in a bear hug. I felt her hand awkwardly caressing the back of my head, ruffling my hair. “Thank you!" She yelled into my ear. "Thank yoouuu! If it’ll make you feel better, Armin will be there too!”

I sat there, stiff in her embrace. “Okay…”

Hanji pulled back and looked me in the eye, slowly opening her mouth as if she were about to say something that would change my life. “Oh, and Levi.” She added, not even giving me enough to groan before she bolted away, waving over her shoulder. “SEE YOU THERE!”

_Well. That changed my life indeed._

Armin watched her run for the hills, his mouth hanging open as he turned to me and raised his hands defensively. “I didn’t know I swear…”

 _Fuck_.

The last thing I wanted to do this weekend was hang around Levi Ackerman; my ex boyfriend.

 


	2. Nostalgia

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hanji's pool parrrrtayyy~
> 
> Some angst. Some Eren / Levi things. Some funny things. Some things I can't explain.
> 
> Reeeeaad! And thank you all for the comments! They were amazing! :D
> 
> If you want to hear the songs used in this (not really needed) here they are~
> 
> -Blank Space by Taylor Swift  
> -To Play Hide and Seek With Jealousy by Famous Last Words

I felt kind of bad for Armin.

He was quite literally wrapped up in his navy blue towel, snapping his head in every direction like an anxious prairie dog who had just woken up and poked out of its hole to find all his friends gone. No matter how many times Mikasa and I told him to relax, he just refused to.

I was starting to wish Annie had tagged along now considering she would have made this ride less painful for all of us since her unruffled presence tended to calm Armin down. That, and when ever she leaned on him because believe it or not, Annie’s body warmth had the power of a soft blanket. While I was stuck constantly reaching over against my seat belt’s will to tug on Armin’s green shirt or yank his blonde hair, Mikasa could only manage glancing in the rearview mirror at him which only made him freak more when he caught her looking anywhere but the road.

“We’re going to get into so much trouble if we get stopped,” he whined.

Mikasa’s dark eyes flickered into the mirror again. “We won’t get stopped.”

“Please keep your eyes on the road, Mikasa!” Armin shrieked snappishly, his scream raised in a piercing pitch. “You’ll get stopped for not paying attention to the road then the policeman will be all like, ‘I’m going to have to see some ID...’ then he'll see that you're only supposed to have ONE relative in the car a-a-and we’ll all be screwed!”

I caught her roll her eyes momentarily in the mirror before she followed the blonde’s plead in silence. Now that Armin was relaxing a little bit more, I decided to do the same and sank back into my seat, curling up into my dark green jacket.

The three-- I mean four, counting Levi-- of us were sitting in her 2006 Alpine White Acura, on our way to the impending doom that would be Hanji Zoe’s pool party. I say impending doom for a few equitable reasons.

First of all, it was already going to be awkward for me for more than one reason. I wasn’t exactly buddy-buddy with Hanji. I didn’t hate her, but I wouldn’t say I was fond of her either. She was the type of person that you would semi-hate and pull on a fake smile whenever she tried to talk with you which was more often than you were comfortable with admitting. Her humor was sometimes a little drier than my cup of tea and after only a week of knowing her, I had already pinpointed her personality.

I saw her as an egotist when I first met her freshmen year. Almost everything revolved around herself and everybody else seemed to be none of her concern, pushed into the corners of her solar system as little insignificant planets. If it started at one person, it somehow always orbited back to her and suddenly what everybody else had said was gone. To put it in the nicest way possible, it was kind of annoying. Surprisingly, she was doing better this year though. The first week of school and she seemed more contorted into herself, holding back when she figured it was for the best. The struggle was on her face, but she wasn’t turning everything back to herself and I had to applaud her for managing it.

It didn’t mean I liked her though.

Then I couldn’t even swim. Taking a spot on my list of the most unappealing words to me was pool and swimming. My negative feelings about it wasn’t as intense in comparison to Annie, while I could still set foot in a pool, Annie would be more comfortable being away from one, but I could at least say I wasn’t fond of the activity. Nothing like a traumatic past had ruined my faith in water, I just never had it to begin with. It could have been that movies in which I witnessed drowning people frightened me when I was younger, but I had a legitimate fear of being in a body of water so deep that my feet couldn’t touch the floor. So I tended to avoid it.

Hell, even the black swim trunks I was wearing were just something I found in my closet somewhere.

I wasn’t too worried about that part of it though. I was more upset that I had to be around certain people. I was only coming because I had admitted to not having anything to do this weekend and Hanji would have probed at me nonstop if I attempted to get around it. My chance to lie was gone before I even thought to do it. Now I was stuck hanging out with the crazy brunette and her, for lack of a better word, _distasteful_ group of friends.   

Connie was probably the only one out of all of them that was the most tolerable.

Beside Mikasa in the passengers seat, Levi sighed quietly, but obnoxious enough to be heard in the quietness of the car. It was the first sign of what I knew would be the beginning of an already terrible pool party and we haven't even seen the pool yet. I had realized that he hadn’t even looked my way since Armin and I were picked up from my house.

And I’m not exactly sure how I felt about it.

In the time span of a couple of months, the way I had seen him had changed drastically from the time we spent at Habitat for Humanity the summer before until now. My freshmen year concerning him included basing my feelings on him purely from things I heard about him. I had no classes with him then so the only things I knew about him was what other people told me, and most of it wasn’t always on a positive note. He sounded snobby and inconsiderate. Mikasa called him ‘Satan’s sperm’, Armin was constantly saying he was mean, Jean thought he was a smart ass, hell, even Annie had something negative to say about him.

But I feel like I met somebody else other than ‘Satan’s sperm’ at Habitat for Humanity.

He wasn’t as snobby or inconsiderate as everyone made him out to be. Maybe, snobby. Just a little. Armin calls everybody mean so I never really took his opinion seriously. Even I’m mean for calling him he-man and coconut head’s love child, but who didn’t also see the resemblance there?

Levi being a smart ass?

Alright, I saw that part. But there was so much more to him and it, unfortunately, led me to my demise.

The rest of the ride consisted of Mikasa blasting Fall Out Boy with My Songs Know What You Did in the Dark being that one song that you never get tired of, so you play it on repeat more times than was probably healthy. To make matters worse, she knew the lyrics too and Levi eventually turned away from the window and asked if she had tape. What she didn’t realize was that the tape was for her and her mouth that couldn’t sing.

Taped Mikasa meant silent Mikasa and silent Mikasa was the best Mikasa.

It made the rest of the drive a lot more tolerable.

About seven minutes later, we arrived at the humongous and surprisingly gorgeous house that was where Hanji Zoe ate, slept and shit on a daily basis. I rang the doorbell once and we stood there in silence for about a minute before Levi shoved me aside and violated the bell repeatedly with his fist. When Hanji finally opened up the door, she was still somewhat drenched, probably from swimming. Where her glasses should have been were replaced by a pair of blue goggles that rested on top of her head. Her hair was in a ponytail, but it was soaked to the strands and so was the purple tank top she wore over the black garment that had to have been the second part of her two piece swimsuit. At the sight of us, her cheeks grew pink with excitement and she squealed, launching herself at Levi, practically wrapping herself around him in an awkward embrace.

It didn’t last very long though.

“If you don’t let go, I will end your life.”

Hanji’s house was a large, white two-story and the inside was just as pretty as the outside. Even as she led us from the front, through the living room, the kitchen and into the backyard, I felt the need to contort into myself out of fear for breaking something that might cost a fortunate. There were vases and plants almost everywhere I looked and I figured that maybe Hanji’s mom was the decor type of woman.

Armin probably had the same thoughts as me because he was walking right on my tail, eyes darting left and right as he took careful, quick strides. On the other hand, Levi and Mikasa were as stoic as ever, throwing simple, short glances at whatever caught their attention before moving on.

“Your house is pretty. There are flowers everywhere,” Mikasa murmured, peering at a vase of white roses that we passed by with a cocked eyebrow. “White roses….”

Hanji nodded her head slowly, beginning to bounce on her toes as if it were the only thing she could do to avoid boredom. “Yeah...my mother has a thing for roses and their meanings and whatnot. White roses mean marriage, spirituality, new starts, innocence, purity… Aphrodite sprang to life from the foaming sea and where the foam fell, white roses bloomed. So on and so forth.”

I heard Levi click his tongue. “You actually believe in that Greek shit?”

Hanji shrugged, leading us into the kitchen. “Not really. No offense to the Greeks, but I feel like a lot of the gods they created were just made up because they didn’t know how to explain a lot of the things that were going on around them such as lightning storms and rain and such BUT-” She spun on her heel excitedly and clapped her hands together, stopping before the backdoor. “Enough about weird plant meanings and the Greek chitlins!” She exclaimed, reaching for the doorknob before throwing it open.

“Welcome to la Hanji Zoe’s awesome el par-taaay!”

  


The backyard wasn’t as fancy as the inside of the house, but it was still pretty nice; much better than my backyard at least. The grass was cut neatly, short enough so that when you stepped in it, your feet didn’t sink and disappear. Around the perimeter were tall, black fences with little engravings that resembled a garden and a small somewhat shabby shack was in the very corner.

The pool was smaller than I expected, but big enough to contain the party animals that Hanji had invited over. It was built into the ground, lined with a light marble-rock floor and almost resembled the shape of a peanut. From one end to the other, it went from shallow to deep; the deepest end with the low diving board and an edge ladder. Bright blue lawn chairs were a good distance from the pool, some accompanied by a tan table with an umbrella stand to block the sun. Hanji even thought to bring her radio outside and used more than one extension cord to trail back to the house.

At the moment, Taylor Swift’s song Blank Space was blasting.

♪ Saw you there and I thought, ‘oh my god’, ‘look at that face, you look like my next mistake ♪

♪ Love’s a game. Wanna play? ♪

Jean and I were sitting at one of the tables, talking about every shitty detail the first week of school had to offer us. Though I considered myself to be pretty close to Jean, there were a couple of things he didn’t know because I thought it better not to tell him. For one, he didn’t know that Levi and I had a summer fling. Usually, I told him practically everything, but he probably would have flipped his shit if I said I got involved with Levi since he absolutely hated the guy.

In fact, I could see him glaring daggers at Levi across the pool every so often through my peripheral vision. And he had been doing it for quite some time now.

So with that, I figured I better not mention how Levi had been giving me the cold shoulder all week when I hadn’t even done anything to him.

♪ No money. Suit and tie. I can read you like a magazine ♪

“And another thing,” Jean growled through his teeth, eyebrows furrowing together. “I think fucking Marco is Levi’s friend! You know how the fucking chemistry teacher assigned seats? Well, Marco got sat right next to Levi and then he started talking to him! Can you even believe that shit?” He pulled his knees up to his chest and sat bunched up in his chair as he sighed. “A nice guy like Marco, talking to a fucking fucker fuck like fucking Levi. What the fuck?”

I pressed my lips together, trying my best to hold back a grin. “I don’t even know how many times you dropped the f-bomb, horseface…. though, honestly... I’m not sure what you’re implying here. What, do you think Levi is out to tap the freckled booty you called dibs on like a year ago?”

“No!”

“Jean.”

The two-toned undercut bastard waved me off and returned to eyeballing Marco from afar. “Aw, fuck you, Jaeger….”

With how nice and warm it was outside, it might have been peaceful if I couldn’t hear Sasha whooping loudly as she switched between piggyback-riding on Connie and Bertholdt in the pool. And unfortunately, she even remembered the fact that she and I had dressed up as pirates for one Halloween and had to yell at me about how upset she was that she didn’t have her pirate beard with her right now.

The pirate beard that was supposed to be mine, but she begged me for it because she thought it would look sexy on her.

It didn’t look bad honestly.

Armin, Marco and Christa sat side by side on the edge of the pool, kicking their feet in the water as they rooted Reiner and Ymir on to do cannonballs off the diving board. But that was before Hitch shouted at them to move aside as she dragged the struggling Marlowe up to the diving board and blocked him from getting off with her body. Eventually, with the help of some encouraging cries from Christa, Marlowe just decided to walk off the diving board. Literally. He sighed, plugged his nose and strolled off of it and into the pool with a small splash.

Christa whistled and applauded loudly. “Yay, Marlowe!” The blonde screamed, throwing her tiny arms up into the air.

“I could do that too,” Ymir said nonchalantly, peering Christa’s way and scratching her freckled face as if they would rub off if she did it hard enough.

The big and buff blonde standing next to her rolled his eyes and grinned. “Anything you can do, I can do better, Ymir-dear.”

When Reiner said that, Ymir had been fixing her short ponytail and quickly shot him a challenging glare. They stood there in silence for about three more seconds before they both started a mad dash for the diving board, laughing as they pushed each other over to be the first one to get there.

It was no surprise to me that Levi was on the side, sitting together with his normal group which consisted of Erwin, Hanji, Isabel, Farlan and the four musketeers.

♪ So it’s gonna be forever. Or it's gonna go down in flames ♪

The four musketeers were made up of Petra, Auruo, Erd and Gunther. It became a joke freshmen year to refer to them as such because it was hard to find the four of them not hanging out together. If they weren’t with Levi and his group, they were together or forced apart due to different classes.

From what I gathered by speaking to Petra a few times, she was a very sweet person. The only time she wasn’t was when someone mentioned how they wished her and Auruo would just date already. She managed some scary fucking glares whenever she heard that. Auruo was in my biology class last year and the two words I used to describe him were loud and obnoxious. And he still is, but he’s a nice guy. Erd and Gunther were funny; they had a lot of inside jokes and even when I would overhear them and not understand them one bit, I still could laugh because Gunther’s hyena giggles were contagious.

Then he would stop suddenly and make a comment on his gross laugh. But then go back to laughing. And then Erd would start laughing again.

I shipped it.

♪ You can tell me when it’s over. Mhm. If the high was worth the pain ♪

Farlan and Isabel might have well been related with the way they watched each other’s backs. They seemed rather close to Levi, Isabel especially since I always heard her call him ‘aniki.’ Isabel had a lively appearance that matched her personality; expressive green eyes and red hair tied into two short pigtails. Farlan was more collected, but he was hilarious and extremely smart. I always caught him reading whenever he was finished with his work with his grey eyes glued to the book.

♪ Got a long list of ex-lovers ♪

Erwin was the one with the neatly-kept blonde hair and the icy blue eyes sitting next to Levi. I didn’t know much about him, all I knew was that he gave me a bad vibe and I had no idea why. That, and I wished he would just put his shirt on while he wasn’t swimming because I didn’t like being tempted to look at his nice body.

♪ They’ll tell you I’m insane. Cause you know I- ♪

Hanji was whining loudly about wanting to go into the pool, pulling at Levi as he changed the radio’s CD. Either she was really weak, wasn’t trying or Levi was incredibly strong because he was hardly even budging from his spot.

“I’m pulling you out of this Taylor Swift funk you’re in, shitty glasses,” the raven said as he put in a different CD. “You need Famous Last Words.”

“You made me listen to an entire album friday!” Hanji cried, tugging at Levi’s arms. “Want to go find Nemo? Come on! Let’s go swimming! Swimming, shrimpy! SWIMMING!”  

Jean turned to look at me and reached over to snap his fingers in front of my face, bringing my attention to him. “Hey, I just realized something. Mikasa isn’t here and she was like ten minutes ago. Where the fuck did she go?”

I rolled my eyes. “Am I the go-to person for finding lost Mikasa's? She went to go pick up Annie.”

“Why didn’t Annie come the first time?”

“She doesn’t like swimming. Like at all. She hates it. And she didn’t want to come only for that reason, but Mikasa told me she said she was bored at home so she changed her mind….” I trailed off at the sound of another song beginning to blast and turned my head in the direction of the radio and the familiar piano playing that turned into a drum banging opening.

♪ It started out as one love one passion. Now it’s bursting out into a chain reaction! ♪

♪ My sinful deeds I will never confess! This dead man will make out to be a useless witness! ♪

I remembered that song all too well.

 

 

“Enjoying yourself there, Mikasa?” I asked satirically, squinting my eyes at the cover-girl-material blonde girl sitting next to her on the floor who was probably anybody but my adopted sister.

Mikasa had a couple of hairpins sticking out of her mouth and the only thing she managed was a roll of her dark pupils, a quick middle finger and a small grin as she continued curling Annie’s hair with the curling iron.

For the past fifteen minutes, Mikasa and Annie had begun ignoring the Dexter marathon on the TV and started playing ‘stylist and super model,’ constantly migrating from the living room, to the bathroom, to Annie’s room and back. With the slight curl of her lips that was something similar to Levi’s type of smile, I could see the contentment on Annie’s face and I couldn’t help feeling content myself. She honestly didn’t smile very often, and I was glad that there was somebody else who could bring enjoyment to her life other than my mom and I.

Beside me on the couch, Levi was taking up most of the space unfairly, his entire body thrown over it with his legs resting on my lap. A few months ago that would have bothered the shit out of me and I might have shoved his ass off the couch because what the fuck do I look like-- a seat?

Fortunately for him, I actually considered him to be my friend. His head was against the couch’s arm and he had his earplugs in, entranced with whatever song he was listening to while I was finding amusement in the way he was slightly bobbing his head and mouthing the words. He didn’t phase me as the rock-screamo type of guy, but his volume was high enough for me to be able to pick up on and worry for his ears' future health.

I was only side glancing though, trying to look like I was paying attention to the TV because I knew he’d probably throw the closest thing he could grab at me if he noticed the big grin that was most likely on my face. Then there was the fact that my reaction time was pretty shitty so there was only a 00000.1% chance that I could dodge in time.

Mikasa stood up and tapped Annie on the shoulder lightly to pull her attention away from Dexter. “We’ll be right back,” she said as she headed for the hallway with Annie trailing after her.

Before I could say anything, Levi responded sharply, “Take your time, My-casa. The less I see your face, the better. I don’t need high blood sugar because of your ugly mug.”

“Shut the hell up, satan offspring.” Mikasa called over her shoulder. “I wasn’t even talking to you! I was talking to Eren!”

“Satan offspring….” Levi mumbled with a cocked eyebrow, nodding his head slightly and almost approvingly. “That’s a new one. I think I like it. I sound like the shit.”

I sucked in a breath and slapped Levi’s knee, making sure to send a scowl his way. “Both of you need to shut up! If this keeps happening every time you guys come over then I’m going to be the one with high blood sugar,” I growled though I was unsure of why I was even saying that. These two would undoubtedly go at it non-stop, no matter how much I complained. I knew I had to face the fact that the summer before my sophomore year would be filled with two angry raven-haired cousins having a who-can-come-up-with-the-worst-nickname war.

Levi had started mouthing the words of the song his phone blasted into his ears again and I got the feeling that he hadn’t even been listening. The face I was making must have been quite comical because he was cracking a little shit-eating grin as he wiggled on the couch to his song.

I sighed. “You weren’t even listening to me, were y-?”

He turned the music up full blast and stared me in the eyes.

♪ CUT THROAT EXECUTIONER! I ASPIRE TO SURVIVE! ♪

♪ IT’S A CASE OF AN UNRESOLVED MURDER! BABY, NOW YOU’RE ALL MINE! ♪

I watched him sit up and shuffle until he was crawling towards me as he whispered the lyrics in a low voices that gave me the chills. “No services, coffin, no hearse. I’ll find a place to hide his corpse…!” With the short instrumental snippet and the drums, Levi lunged at me and I ended up trapped between both his arms, frightened into contorting against the couch.

Then the screaming startled me further and I could see the amusement in Levi’s face as he mouthed the next set of lyrics.

♪ UNDER THE WORLD! BURY MY SECRETS, EVIDENCE WILL BURN! ♪

♪ THE DEED IS DONE! I’VE LOST MY MIND! LAST SENSE OF MY CONSCIENCE STARTS TO FADE AND DIE! ♪

I shoved him away and proceeded to punch him repeatedly in the arm as he got comfortable next to me with a shit-eating, half-grin on his face.

“If I wasn’t so constipated right now, I’d probably be laughing so hard that I would piss myself-- Oh,” he paused and turned to me, looking slightly alarmed and slightly amused. “Too late. Right all over your damn couch too-”

I threw my shoulder into his, eliciting him to return the gesture, but harder. “You’re so nasty! You and your fucking potty humor.”

Levi cocked an eyebrow up playfully. “Stop being a party pooper or piss off.”

I felt my lips tightened, my eyes narrow and my entire face practically scrunch up as I growled my next words. “Nobody will find your corpse.”

“Will your weapon of choice be a gun? You know….shitty shitty, bang bang.”

“I cannot believe you right now.”

 

  


♪ I’M A SAVIOR. I’M A SINNER. I’M A SICK COLD-HEARTED KILLER ♪

♪ I’M A LOVER. I’M A WINNER. AND I’D DO IT ALL TO STEAL HER ♪

♪ FROM A LIFE SHE THINKS SHE WANTS. BUT I KNOW SHE WOULD REGRET ♪

♪ LIVING LIFE OUT WITH ANOTHER MAN AND NOW HE’S FUCKING DEAD ♪

As the song repeated those lines again, Jean’s voice snapped me out of the trance it had on me and I was pulled from the memory and back to reality. Suddenly instead of hearing Levi’s voice, hearing his terrible shit jokes, I was hearing the sound of bodies as they broke through the water’s surface, eccentric screams, laughs, the blaring song from Famous Last Words, and light neighing nearby.

“Yo, muffin top,” Jean coaxed, waving his hand in front of my face before he started a chorus of dog whistles. “Hello. Is anyone awake in that empty head or nah?”

I sat up straight in my seat and turned to him, blinking. “What?”

“What?” Horseface repeated, sticking out his bottom lip as his eyebrows bunched together. He threw his arms in the air. “What do you mean ‘what’? Fuck, Eren! I just gave you this long inspiring speech about how you shouldn't worry about what people say and how you’re going to gain weight in time and whatnot, and you’re not even really listening to me! Christ! I’m only here for your sake too, and this is how I’m repaid!” He laid face down on the table now and the only thing I could hear was his loud groaning and his deep sigh. “I could be anywhere else but here...I hate most of these assholes….”

For once, I felt a little bad for Jean and I reached over to pat his soft, two-toned horse mane. My intention hadn’t been to ignore him, especially if he had been trying to make me feel better while talking about a topic as sensitive as my weight, of course I wouldn’t want to ignore him.

But this song had made me feel so self-conscious and nostalgic. It brought back old memories I didn't want to recall.

“Sorry, Jean….” I murmured in an apologetic whisper. “It was the song. But I mean come on, Marco is here. He’s not an asshole.”

“Well, no. Not him, or Bertholdt, Sasha, Armin, Mikasa, or….” He trailed off, lifting his head up to glare up at me in an almost mischievous way. “I’d say you, but you’re a prick.”

I nodded in agreement. “The prickliest.”

Jean snorted and rolled his intense eyes, but the slight grin on his face gave away the fact that I had clearly won with that remark. I wanted him to make it even better by calling me a new species of cactus, but instead he said, “Shut up. But yeah….besides that, everyone else is….” I watched him narrow his eyes at everyone, particularly at Levi. “..uh…”

The last thing I wanted was for Jean to go on another one of his I-hate-Levi-so-much-that-every-time-I-rage-about-him-I-feel-the-need-to-say-fuck-a-million-times rants so I attempted to change our target. “Even Connie?”

“Nah. The last airbender is pretty cool, actually. A little clueless, considering Sasha totally digs him and he can’t even tell….but cool.”

“Glad I’m not the only one who noticed,” I murmured before pointing at the small, laughing blonde girl having a splash fight with Ymir by the shallow end of the pool. “What about Christa over there? She seems nice.”

Jean shrugged, squinting his eyes at her for a few seconds as if making an attempt to read her soul and reveal her deepest, darkest desires. He then shook his head slowly. “She seems like one of those in-the-closet type of asshole. That, and a possible lesbian.”

My gaze slowly fell on Jean and a found an expression that was as clueless as Connie Springer was about Sasha’s feelings for him. It took me a few seconds to come to a final conclusion; Jean had no idea that Christa and Ymir had been dating since tuesday. I figured that I would let nature take its course with him and he would learn when Mother Nature wanted him to. “What makes you think that she’s a secret asshole?”

Jean shrugged. “Cause she hangs out with assholes.”

“That doesn’t mean anything.”

“Oh right. I do hang out with you after all, and I’m a pretty nice guy.”

The hidden meaning behind that joke smacked me in the face right after it came out of Jean’s mouth and I practically leaped over the table just so I could hit him upside the head. I’m not sure whether he was trying to play off the pain or if he was as hard-headed physically as he was mentally, but he was laughing rather loud for someone who had just got fisted on the head.

We got into a little playful scuffle that consisted of pushing and cursing until Armin’s voice called to us from the pool. He was paddling our way with Hanji swimming behind him and when he grabbed the edge, Hanji wrapped her arms around him, pulling him back. “Wait, wait, WAIT!” He screeched, pawing at the water like it was solid enough for him to hold onto. “Guys! You should get in! The water feels great!”

Jean looked to me as if wanting approval and I smiled, nodding my head in that direction. “Go forth, little seahorse. The water is beckoning you forward.”

Hanji had let go of Armin and was pulling herself out of the pool now, the water from her soaked swimsuit dripping onto the concrete that surrounded the perimeter. She wiggled forward, a huge grin on her face. “Jump in and enjoy it, merman~! It’s still technically summer, after all. I was just going to ask Eren to help me get drinks anyway since there’s more than one cooler and I could use the extra help,” she said, yanking her goggles down until they hung around her neck.

“Alright…” Jean muttered after a few seconds of reluctance, getting up to join Armin and everyone else in the water. I knew he was here to help support me and keep me company, but just because I couldn’t swim, it didn’t mean he had to sit around with me when he could. For the first time ever, I was silently thanking the heavens above for the creature that was Hanji Zoe because I couldn’t bring myself to tell Jean to just go.

I followed after Hanji to her house, walking on the wet trail she left behind. Halfway there, she suddenly stopped in her tracks and I almost bumped into her.

“Oh shit! I forgot that there’s three coolers!” The brunette blurted, turning on her heel. A little sickly bubble started to build in my stomach as I watched Hanji survey the group of teenagers playing near her pool. And unfortunately, that sickly bubble had a reason to happen. “Hey, Levi!” She called, cupping her hands over her mouth.

I tried to hold back the groan that wanted to escape my throat when said raven turned, looking away from the piggy-tailed redhead who was clinging to his black shirt and towards us.

_You’ve got to be kidding me, Hanji fucking Zoe. Who sent you to destroy me?_

“I got to get the drinks, but I have three coolers and Eren isn’t enough help! Mind lending a hand, shrimpy?” She shouted, a shit-eating grin on her face as she cautiously peered my way.

_That’s right, peer fucking cautiously because you did this on purpose. I take back what I said about thanking the heavens for your ass._

Levi pried himself and his shirt free from Isabel’s grasp, much to Farlan’s amusement, and started storming his way over to us, jaw set. “Call me that again and I will drown you in your own pool, but only after I take a shit in it.”

Hanji let out a loud cackle, seemingly unfazed by the nasty threat she had just heard. “You’re gross, french fries!” She boomed excitedly, clapping her hands approvingly before she paused in a sudden realization of her words. “Oh wow. That’s a new one! Score for Hanji Zoe! Come on, you two!” She beamed, starting to bounce towards her house. “Let us bring out the holy wine!”

When we stepped from outside and into the kitchen, Mikasa and Annie were coming from the living room. Annie wasn’t dressed for swimming, not that I was surprised, she just had on a simple pair of denim shorts and a white T-shirt. Mikasa was pocketing her car keys and wallet as she walked, and I caught her shoot her cousin a little glare before looking to Hanji.

“Thanks for leaving the door unlocked,” she said.

“No problem!” The brunette gushed, saluting happily. “Hello, little Annie~ glad you decided to come join the fun! We were just about to bring out the thirst quenchers! Did you guys lock the door after you came in?”

Mikasa nodded. “All good.”

“Thankies!” Hanji inched over to make way and gestured to the back door like a bouncer allowing people into a club. Mikasa gave me a faint smile as she passed by me and Annie purposely rammed into me with her shoulder, which I made sure to return just as hard. The only thing I couldn’t mimic was the hardcore glare she shot at me before she entered the backyard. My glares were nothing compared to hers.

“And now for those coolers….” Hanji murmured to herself as she headed for a small white door that must have been the pantry. She disappeared inside of it for a few painful seconds, leaving Levi and I to our own devices. I risked a sideways glance at him from the corner of my eye, but he wasn’t looking at me just like he had managed to do practically all week long. He leaned against the refrigerator behind him and crossed his arms over his chest, outwardly impatient and probably as anxious to get away from me as I was to get away from him.

Hanji came back with one blue cooler in her hands and she stumbled over, setting it on top of the kitchen’s island table and then taking a quick breather. “Oh shit….these are heavy,” she huffed under her breath before looking up at the awkwardness that was Levi Ackerman and I. “What the heck you two?! You’re both quiet! Especially you, Eren! What’s that for?!”

The first excuse that came to my mind was the first thing I blurted out.

“I’m a quiet person….” I muttered, obviously caught in my own lie when I noticed the skeptical Levi indignantly roll his dark pupils.

Hanji was already on her way to go retrieve the second cooler, but continued speaking as she did. “Aw. How about I give you a food nickname too? Like how Levi is french fries because he’s French-!”

“I will end you,” Levi growled quietly.

“What are you, Eren?” The brunette asked, taking the raven’s threat with a grain of salt as the second cooler found a spot beside the first one. “Brazilian, maybe? Australian? Polish?”

“German, actually…”

By this time, the third cooler was out and resting on top of the island table. I watched with slight horror as Hanji’s brown orbs brightened at the mention of my heritage and she dashed over excitedly with a lively and wicked, agape grin. “MY GERMAN SAUSAGE! And my French fries!” She squealed happily, tackling both me and Levi into a tight embrace. “I see the start of a beautiful trio here, guys! I can be the middle bitch who doesn’t need a nickname!”

I heard Levi suck in an annoyed breath. “You have 5 seconds to let go of me, shitty glasses. Or blood will spill.”

Shrieking like a child who had just been found in hide and go seek, Hanji pulled back from Levi, only clinging to me now as she exclaimed, “And then there were two because Levi is a big meanie head!” I felt her grip on me tighten. It was casual at first, maybe involuntary, but then she started to squeeze me harder and harder and harder. “Eren! You’re so tiny! It’s like I could break you if I hugged you too hard!”

My stomach turned.

Levi had been walking towards the coolers, probably to grab one so he could just leave and be done with his part, but now he stopped dead in his tracks. And he looked over his shoulder, eyes somewhat wider than usual as if taken aback.

“My wittle tiny, stick, picky-wicky baby Eren~” Hanji cooed.

I felt like I was going to be sick.

All the disgusting, disappointing memories were coming back once again to haunt me. I hadn’t even managed to gain an entire pound over the course of a week. Pills, pills, pills, eating even when my appetite fought me and nothing helped me gain. And if I did, it only worked for a little bit until it stopped and I lost what I had worked to win.

I was wittle.

Tiny.

A stick. A picky-wicky-

Levi yanked one of the coolers off the table and turned to us. “Okay. Okay. Hanji, could we bring the drinks outside already?” It could have been me, maybe I was just imagining it, but he sounded a little desperate there. Even when Hanji pulled away from me, he practically shoved the ice box into her. Hard.

“Did you just call me by my name?!” The brunette marveled animatedly, shaking the cooler as she wiggled on her toes. “You hardly ever call me by my name, French fries! You must really care about your thirsty comrades! Alright, grab a cooler boys! Vamanos, mis amigos!” She howled, stomping through the doors as she started singing the Dora the Explorer’s theme song.

I hadn’t even known that I had started to contort into myself when Hanji finally released me from her grip. My feet had shuffled and turned my body away so that I was now looking at the black oven of the kitchen. My shoulders had scrunched together in a feeble attempt to hide away from anyone who might see me and my fists balled up angrily at my sides.

‘My wittle tiny, stick, picky-wicky baby Eren, huh?’

“Hey….Eren.”

Oh right. He was still here.

“Don’t talk to me,” I growled. Or at least that had been my intention. Instead of growling, my voice had cracked under the pressure. Instead of growling, I had squeaked, I had made a small utter that only made my internal conflict known when all I wanted was to hide it with anger.

Levi clicked his tongue, but without its usual air, not in annoyance but in disappointment. What he was disappointed for, I had no idea.

All I knew was that I should have been the one who was disappointed. Only I had the right.

“Don’t, Eren. Do not,” Levi snarled, the irritation in his voice only succeeded in making it even harder to hold back the tears that were threatening my watery eyes. I had to bite it back, teeth sinking into my bottom lip as I silently prayed for Levi to just walk away and shut up. But of course he wouldn’t. Of course. “Don’t forget everything I told you last summer. Besides, it was fucking shitty glasses-idiot who said that. Since when do you give a shit about what she says and thinks?”  

My jaw tightened. “I don’t.”

“Then why are you crying?”

Now my sadness was starting to dissipate, turning from pity to rage. My stomach wasn’t flipping in disgust, it stopped as soon as Levi opened his big, stupid mouth. Now my gut was boiling, my teeth were gritting, my jaw was set and my lips were taut and tight with exasperation.

I was ignored for an entire week without so much as a glance.

And now, of all times, he was deciding to have a change of heart?

I spun on my heel and turned on him. It felt sudden and instinctively, almost as if it were involuntary on my part. I crossed the empty space between us, and I walked until it was all gone, until there wasn’t anymore left to take up, but Levi never faltered. He didn’t move from his spot, he didn’t back up when I came closer. I held his gaze and he held mine.

And if I was honest, I was intimidated, but I didn’t want to show it nor was my body going to admit it. When I was anxious, my bottom lip tended to quiver, but it didn’t. There was no shiver, no chill running up my spine. My heart was beating fast, but out of vexation. While my eyes would have dropped by now, they didn’t. Green-teal stared into the narrowed dark and stormy blue-grey. We were so close to each other that if I weren’t holding my breath, he’d probably feel it on his skin.

I could feel his. The little unfazed, exasperated breathing that I didn’t want to feel anymore.

“Leave me alone.”

He didn’t move.

“Please! Just go-! Go outside or something!” I roared, shoving a palm into his chest hard enough to slightly knock him off his feet. “Stop pretending like you give a damn about me when you don’t!”

He cocked an eyebrow at me peevishly, shooting me a small, but noticeable condescending sneer as he replaced the space I created when I pushed him. “I can’t stop pretending when I never was in the first place, dumbass! It’s easier said than done to leave someone you care about crying when you could and probably should do something about it. I’m not interested in watching you fall apart.”

“So then what? You turn the other cheek instead?” I scoffed bitterly, taking a short pause and shaking my head spitefully. “This isn’t fair, Levi. You’re not fair! You can’t just treat me like some stupid nat that keeps flying in your goddamn face, and then come to my rescue when I need somebody like it’s all fucking okay, like what’s been happening this past week never occurred! We’re not fucking buddies here! And apparently, the reason for that is something that only you know about...”

Levi went silent after that. He didn’t break eye contact, didn’t look away or look down. He hadn’t admitted defeat physically, but he wasn’t saying anything either. He couldn’t because he knew that I was right.

“See…” I slowly inched away, backing up with a bitter laugh. “You have no comeback, do you? Because it’s true. You treated me like shit for the entire first week of school and you know you did. You didn’t even look at me in the car earlier….” By the last sentence, my voice broke again and I could feel my eyes water. Then I was pulling at the sleeves of my jacket so that I could wipe the tears away, so I could rub at the water in my eyes until they were dry.

I didn’t even notice Levi start walking towards me, I wasn’t aware of how close he was until he grabbed one of the sleeves of my jacket roughly and begun to pull. “Take it off,” he hissed through gritted teeth.

My hand found his wrist and my fingers wrapped around it, tight and threatening. “No.”

“You’re hiding in it….”

Anger swelled up inside of me once more because now Levi was acting like he knew me when he didn’t know jack shit. I squeezed his wrist. Hard. “No!”

He wasn’t letting go, and at first he glared at me for what felt like minutes before his other hand flew forward and grabbed a fistful of the front of my jacket. And mine grasped his wrist firmly. We were locked in this position, both his hands on my jacket and both of mine on his wrists.

“It’s hot outside anyway, Eren. Take it off. You want to feel comfortable with yourself, don't you? The first step is acceptance so take it off.” The way he said it almost sounded like an order. But I didn’t fucking care if he really was demanding it. I wasn’t his cadet and he wasn’t my superior. 

“I swear Levi, I will punch your lights out if you don’t let go.” I snapped in a low-toned warning.

In what direction this fight would have gone in, I’m not sure. And I never would know because it was put to a sudden end when the happy cheers that had been coming from outside ceased, only to be replaced by horrified, alarmed screams and frantic splashing.

“ANNIE! STOP PANICKING!”

That was all I needed to hear to understand what was going on.

If any color had been present in my face then….it was gone now.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> DUN DUN DUNNNNNNNN!
> 
> DUN  
> DUNNN  
> DUNDUDNUDNUDNN.
> 
> One more time, thanks for all the comments. I loved the feedback and I'm glad to know this plot interests a lot of people! This transition from 3rd POV to 1st is a little difficult for me, but I think I'm getting the hang of it. Pointers would be appreciated! Nice comments and kudos too! K bai. ;)


	3. When We Were Younger

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “I swear Levi, I will punch your lights out if you don’t let go .” I snapped in a low-toned warning.
> 
> In what direction this fight would have gone in, I’m not sure. And I never would know because it was put to a sudden end when the happy cheers that had been coming from outside ceased, only to be replaced by horrified, alarmed screams and frantic splashing.
> 
> “ANNIE! STOP PANICKING!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> REEEEEEEEEEEAD!!!
> 
> Okay. Hi. Um. So. Thanks for sticking thus far with the story, I wanted to try my hand at first person POV and its really weird for me. Also, sorry for the long update! I'm currently enrolled in summer school and its actually quite tiresome, that and my computer is screwing up~ TwT  
> Here's chapter 3 and I hope you guys enjoy it even though its so short. Hopefully I'll update soon and the song in this chapter is called Static Waves by Andrew Belle. I highly recommend you listen to the song before Eren plays it :3
> 
> Now read on! :D

The first thing I knew for sure was that this fallout between Levi and I was over. For now. My heart wanted to leap out of my chest when I heard the struggle outside, and I forgot everything that Levi may have said to piss me off. I forgot everything he did the moment I spun away from him to run outside, silently praying to god that I wouldn’t see Annie injured.

 

The four of us were outside Hanji’s house, right next to Mikasa’s car. Annie had been so shaky during the walk there that I thought she would collapse, so we opted with stationing her inside, figuring that sitting her down would be in her best interest. Even with her soaked clothes and dripping hair, Mikasa had no problem letting her get her car seats wet which I appreciated. It at least helped ease my mind a little knowing that she was here.

Only a little though.

I was too in the dark with this situation and it wasn’t sitting well with me or my tendency to get a little dramatic and impulsive when upset. I didn’t understand why Annie, someone who had the most biggest fear of deep waters, had been in the pool.

Knowing her, she would have never gotten in. Nobody could convince her, not even Mikasa.

The first thing I saw when I ran outside was an entire mob of people surrounding the deep end of the pool, and from there I pretty much froze because my eyes were not finding Annie anywhere in that mess. They were crowding around one another and all I could hear was a frantic, “here, here! I’ll pull her out!” or repeated whispers of, “Oh my god. Is she okay?” being overwhelmed by an irritated yell that could only have been Jean shouting, “MOVE! MOVE, GUYS! Give her some goddamn room to breathe!”

My mind was starting to connect the dots and the horrible realization was gluing my feet to the ground. There was an even sicker feeling lurking in the pit of my stomach than the one from earlier when Hanji had called me thin. Nothing could be compared to this petrifying fear that was now gripping my heart.

There was no way I still had any color in my face at that moment.

I think Levi had said something to me, maybe he might have said my name too, but I unintentionally blocked him out, only hearing the panicky voices of the crowd at the pool. After that, I vaguely remember watching Levi bound past me and Isabel broke away from the group to meet him. She looked a little pale and somewhat shaken up, and I couldn’t hear what she was saying, but all I knew was that I didn’t like how fast her mouth was moving or the way she gestured as she spoke.

And then he was leaving her and beginning to push through the crowd that eventually dispersed. He was shouting at them to move, his voice more commanding than Jean’s had been, and it hadn’t taken long for his demand to be followed. Once everyone had backed up, I could see a clear view of Jean who was leaning over the pool, his arms outstretched to reach for something.

By this time, I was starting to regain some feeling in my legs and my feet were no longer glued to the ground. My heart was pounding out of my chest now, but I still forced myself to inch forward in small, careful strides.

Mikasa was in the pool by the edge and she was pushing a trembling Annie up towards Jean who grasped her under her arms to pull her out of the water. She was drenched, soaked to the bone, and as soon as she got a feel of dry land, she practically ran pony boy over. Literally.

She flattened him to the ground, most likely to get as far away from the water as possible. When she broke free from him, she frantically crawled over him and then leapt to her feet. She leapt to her feet and then she ran away from the pool, from the crowd, from everything.

Even when Mikasa had pulled herself out of the pool and tried to call out for her, she refused to listen.

I caught the crazy, terrified light etched in her blue eyes and it was what gave me the ability to fully get a hold of myself. I’ve seen that same look before, and I knew what she was going to do if nobody caught her and calmed her down.

Part of me wanted to let her run past, just so that we would avoid causing a scene in front of everybody. I could catch her later if I followed. But the other, bigger part of me believed it was too late for that and that I needed to grab her before she got too far.

Nothing had been worse than when my mom and I searched the entire neighbourhood for Annie during her earlier years of anxiety. We had looked for so long that we were a hair away from getting the police involved and the last thing I wanted was to make a phone call to my mother about the fact that I had lost Annie.

At the last second, I had jumped in front of her and caught her in an iron grip.

  


I tried almost everything I could think of to comfort her, but there was no change in her state. Despite every soothing circle I rubbed into her back, every calming whisper I spoke to her, every hug I gave her and every kiss I planted on her forehead, she wasn’t relaxing.

I had even wrapped her up in my jacket and pulled the zipper up all the way like I used to when we were younger, hoping to get a little laugh out of her, maybe a roll of her eyes. But there was nothing.

“Annie….” I cooed softly, leaning my shoulder against hers purposely so she’d know my presence. “You’re okay now. Stop shaking…”

Nothing.

And I could understand.

She was absolutely scared shitless. She couldn’t swim and deep waters terrified her. She had been shaking since she was pulled out of the pool and though her jaw was clamped shut, I could still tell her teeth were chattering.

Armin stood beside the car, waiting by the open door on my side with a frown. “I don’t think she’ll stop just because you said to, Eren-”

With my best impression of Annie’s usual glares, I turned to the blonde suddenly and quietly hissed, “Armin!”

“Okaaaaaaaay!”

From then on, Armin remained silent and watched as I continued trying to relax Annie. Another minute or two of this went by, and I was getting no sign of diluting the attack besides the change of her breathing which was less distraught and quick. She had gone dead, only staring at the back of the driver’s seat.

Most of her attacks were like this; she tended to have the kind that made her mute.

Armin and I swapped places. Most likely, he wouldn’t be able to fix this either if I couldn’t, but she had to know that other people were here for her, not just me. His tactic was to simply hold her, he wrapped his small arms around her protectively and he stayed there with his eyes closed, nudging his head against hers lightly. That was his signature comforting move. He had done it to me more times than I could remember every time I’d go silent after being put in a bad mood or whenever I was done ranting to him and sat there, fuming like a child.

If someone didn’t mind close contact with another human being, it was actually pretty effective and very capable of loosening up the tight muscles of a frown.

Except it wasn’t doing much with Annie when I looked at her; her mouth was still tight and her jaw clenched. Even her eyes hadn’t moved, almost as if she didn’t even know that she was being embraced in the first place.   

I caught sight of a figure in my peripheral vision and turned to see Mikasa emerging from Hanji’s house, probably finished with lightening the atmosphere that had been set with the earlier incident. I had asked her to go back, to tell everybody that everything was fine and that they should go back to their pool party like nothing ever happened.

Her perturb expression wasn’t exactly easing my mind and I quietly left Armin and Annie to join her. Everyone else was the least of my worries if they even were ones to begin with, I simply wanted Mikasa by Annie’s side. I wanted her to get Annie out of here and to drive us home but when I opened my mouth to tell her, it snapped shut when I noticed the three people flooding out of the house behind her.

Hanji, Levi and Hitch.

All three of them had a somewhat concerned look on their faces, especially Hanji--an expression I would never even consider possible for her to make. It almost didn’t suit her, but it did make her being friends with a guy like Levi seem a lot more plausible. On Hitch’s face, there was more than concern, along with it was a pale guilt that sent a chill down my spine. One, because Hitch never felt guilty for anything; and two, because associating that emotion with her was an unsettling thought.

Mikasa turned to them momentarily, just a short and simple glance over her shoulder that left my stomach feeling queasy. When she did, all three of them stopped and planted themselves by the doorway even as she parted from them and headed towards me. Her face was practically unreadable and no matter how much space she closed between us, it didn’t get any easier. But her taut lips and rigid face told me that she was probably preparing to tell me something that might make me lose my shit.

And with the way she opened her mouth, closing it without a word only seconds later, it was obvious that she wasn’t ready by the time she stopped in front of me, but I was a little too impatient and upset to wait for her.

“Mikasa-”

“Eren, how’s Annie?” She asked suddenly, cutting me off and peering over my shoulder. The rest of her words came out sort of jumbled, abrupt and unfocused, something that was very unlike her. “Is she alright? Everyone’s a little worried….I tried telling them that everything would be fine and that they should go back to enjoying the party, but I don’t think they can-”

Halfway through her last sentence, I had already started shaking my head because the party was the least of my problems. “Who the fuck cares about the party…?!” I spat bitterly, sounding more sour than I had intended to. Before my next words, I exhaled softly to subdue the irritation in my voice. “We just need to leave. You know, get Annie away from here….the further, the better.”

I accidentally met eyes with Hitch who was intently staring at me from across the front lawn, as both Hanji and Levi were, and I couldn’t hold back my curiosity.

“Why are those three standing over there?”

Mikasa followed my gaze as if she hadn’t realized the three had came outside with her and then regarded me with sharp, weary eyes. “Hanji and Hitch wanted to see Annie.”

Despite the fact that the response didn’t answer why Levi was also with them, I ignored it and instead had to question one eerie thing. “Why Hitch, of all people…?”

Mikasa’s next words were picked carefully and at the last second, she decided that the best approach would be quick and easy. She promised it would be on three, but she ripped the bandaid off in the middle of two.

“Probably to apologize for what she did to Annie.”

She had said it fast. Quick and easy.

  


I’m not sure how many circles I walked in or how many stupid rocks I stepped on that stabbed the bare skin of my feet, but with the way Armin’s eyes followed my every movement, he probably knew the exact numbers. His blue eyes were small pools full of worry and his hands were clasped together in front of him as he shifted nervously. I heard him sigh lightly before glancing at Mikasa and Annie who were still by the car, Mikasa most likely making more progress than I had been able to in comforting her.

Mikasa’s quick outburst of the truth had striked more anger into my heart than I ever would have thought possible and Hitch was lucky that everyone had been out there with us.

Every single time my mother had spoke to me, had told me that there was almost nothing that justified putting my hands on a woman, had gone down the drain at that moment. All the seething rage inside and exploded out of me, and I wanted to punch her.

I wanted to punch Hitch for putting Annie through such an ordeal, for traumatizing her and for sending her into a panic attack.

And I might have if she hadn’t been shielded by Hanji who had stepped in front of her, if Mikasa hadn’t of chased me and grabbed me from behind, if Levi hadn’t of been there to yell at me to ‘calm the fuck down’ and to ‘get my shit together’.

As much as I hated to admit it, his pep talk was probably the most effective out of everyone. I did calm down, I did get my shit together and I did get to hear Hitch’s part before she left.

The catty, confident expression she usually carried had been wiped from her face, replaced with clenched teeth and a lowered head. Her eyes were watery, on the verge of releasing tears as she talked and apologized for what she did.

While Mikasa had been swimming in the pool, Annie sat on the edge and settled for kicking her feet in the water.

Hitch had swam nearby and striked up a conversation with Annie, learning that she did not like water. However, she thought that Annie was kidding and as a playful joke, had pulled her into the pool without warning, not even considering that maybe she really couldn’t swim.

And throughout the whole explanation, Hitch was crying. I could tell that she meant her apology. One thing I knew about Hitch was that she wasn't one to show her feelings in public. If she was sad, she would hide it. If she were angry, she'd laugh it off. Hell, she even tried to hold back her tears as she spoke, but it proved too difficult for her. Though the way her voice broke apologetically was genuine, I still I had to think about it when she asked to apologize to Annie herself.

Ultimately, it was my call. And I rejected it.

Not because I didn’t want her to apologize, but because Annie seeing her at the moment probably wasn’t the best idea. Not when she still hasn’t surfaced from her attack.

I felt bad, but there would be open opportunities to apologize later.

In the end, Hitch reluctantly returned to the backyard to join everyone else, leaving me sitting on the front lawn with Levi, Hanji and Armin, crossed-legged and picking at grass strands as we waited on Mikasa.

But there was no change to Annie’s state and Mikasa eventually gave up, leaving me fresh out of ideas. The only option now was to just take her home and hope that a familiar environment and the comfort of her own bed would relax her. Maybe a good sleep would help too.

Hopefully.

When Mikasa reunited with us, she shook her head and shrugged, defeated. "We should just leave," she suggested.

Hanji leaped to her feet, a downcast frown formed on her face. “That’s it?!” She exclaimed, throwing her hands up in the air. Her eyes darted between Armin and Mikasa for a while, both giving her an answer with their silence. “Come on, guys!” She drawled loudly before looking at me. “Even you, Eren? Nothing? Nada? No ideas whatsoever?”

“I don’t think so…” I murmured, slowly glancing towards Annie who remained balled up in the backseat of the car. The lack of ability to fix this pulled at my heartstrings and I tried to remind myself that I at least didn’t have to call the cops for a missing sister.

But the fact that I would be bringing home a broken one wasn’t exactly anything to celebrate.

There had to be something I could do.

In the corner of my eye, I noticed Hanji cling to Levi, wrapping her arms tightly around his neck like she was about ready to climb him. “There has got to be something that will cheer her up! I’ll feel bad if she leaves like that! Brainstorm, Levi. Brainstorm!”

“If you don’t let go of me, you can wave your life goodbye.”

I turned towards Levi suddenly, jaw agape and eyes wide as an idea popped into my head.

He cocked an eyebrow at me. “What?”

I didn’t even answer him, I was too excited, too focused on this idea that I immediately trained my gaze on Hanji, hopeful. “Do you by any chance have a guitar, Hanji?”

The brunette stared blankly at me for a few seconds before she pulled herself from Levi with a large grin on her face. “Yeah, I do! I mean, I don’t play it or anything. I try to learn, but the videos online don’t really help and neither does the book my mom got me so---”

“Can I use it?” I asked through gritted teeth with impatience.

She blinked at me with puckered lips and then exclaimed excitedly with a clap, “Of course!” Then she was dashing back inside of her house.

  


Hanji was back a minute later, coming from the household’s front door with an acoustic guitar in her hands. It wasn’t anything flashy, just the standard brown, most likely wooden acoustic and that was all that I needed. The important thing was that I had one to play so that it could reach Annie because my voice alone wasn’t cutting it.

But this might.

The brunette walked over to me and held it out, eyes glittering with inquisitiveness. With the face she was making, it seemed like she was trying to bite back her question but it soon got the best of her and her mouth shot open, “what are you planning to do with it? Play her a song?”

A little preoccupied with examining the guitar, I didn’t answer her for a few silent seconds. I ghosted my fingers over the strings before gently strumming just to check the tuning, and then I looked up at Hanji. “Something like that,” I murmured, turning to head for the car.

I could feel everybody following after me quietly, most likely curious with what I was about to do. And knowing what I was about to do, I hoped that Levi’s presence would not screw me up.

When I made it to car, Armin lifted up his head and met my gaze before his eyes fell to the guitar in my hands. It must have been clear to him what my intentions were because he slowly released Annie from his embrace and scooted out of the backseat without needing an explanation. And as he brushed by me, he smiled.

He definitely knew what I was going to do.

Before I moved, I turned and looked back at everyone standing a little ways away. Both Mikasa and Armin were smiling and their eyes were bright with encouragement that goaded me on, both seemingly aware of my next move. Hanji’s gaze held nothing but pure interest and she might have been leaning forward. On the other hand, Levi’s face was as emotionless as ever, except I could see how engrossed he was with the way he stared.

But I wasn’t supposed to be thinking about them. I didn’t even need to be aware of them. My target was Annie. I was doing this for Annie only.

I took a deep breath and held the guitar tightly as I slid into the backseat with Annie. She still hadn’t budged from when I last saw her, eyes glued to the back of the black covering of the driver’s seat.

She was still having an attack, still thinking about what had happened earlier and the fear she felt when she was suddenly pulled into deep water.

She needed to think of something else.

After shifting into the most comfortable position that I could be in a car with a guitar in my lap, I slightly tilted in Annie’s direction and offered her a reassuring smile. Even though she didn’t look, like I knew she wouldn’t, I wanted to give it to her anyway.

Naturally, my right arm rested over the body’s edge and I settled my fingers over the strings of the sound hole. My left hand gripped the guitar’s neck momentarily before sliding down to the appropriate fret for the C chord, but before I did anything, I regarded Annie one more time.

“We haven’t sung this song in a while….but I hope you remember it.”

Then my fingers started moving off of memory, off of the fact that I had played that song so much that I memorized every single chord. [[Song]](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NGqalqVaWKA)

C, E minor, A minor, G, A minor, G.

Annie always loved when I played Static Waves on the guitar. She would sing Katie Herzig’s parts and I would sing Andrew Belle’s. Once I had gotten the chords down, we sang it so much the first day that by the second, we both knew all the lyrics by heart.

“I count the steps from where I am, to where I started.”

If one of us weren’t having a good day, this song always brought us out of a funky mood. No matter what had befallen us, what had brought us down that day, Static Waves always put a smile on our face as we sang it together.

All we needed was each other.

“I tap my feet, and close the door, from your apartment.” As I neared the line where Annie would join in, I glanced in her direction. She showed no sign of interest in the song, confiding in the back of the car seat against the acoustic song, expression blank and broken with a mouth forming only a frown.

At this point, Katie would have joined in and Annie’s voice should have sang the next part with me. But with the was a lack of evidence in her features of unhinging from her inner-turmoil, I soloed what should have been a duet.

“And I know you’re never gonna understand…”

C, E minor, A minor, G. Repeatedly for this whole verse.

Despite Annie not signaling even the slightest suggestion of improvement, I still continued to sing in hopes that she would join me. “It’s too late for you, to stop and think. Too late to mention. I make a move and spill my drink, to break the tension.”

“And I know you’re never gonna understand…”

“I’ll try my best to follow if I can…but...”

F, G, A Minor, C.

“I would have let you leave.”

I peered Annie’s way with a careful gaze, my fingers still strumming gently against the strings as I played the repetitious chorus. At first it looked like she hadn’t done anything, still in the same feeble position since she got into the car, but her eyes practically startled me when I noticed them.

Annie was staring at me in a sideways glance, blue orbs trained on me.

That was the little spark of hope that I needed. Though I knew I hadn’t won her over yet, it was good to know that my idea wasn’t in vain. It was doing something, but I needed to keep it up. I started playing with more confidence in both of hands and my voice, a smile forming on my lips as I continued to sing, “I would have let you leave.”

“I would have let you leave…”

By this second verse, I decided to try to ignite memories in Annie by being more lively and I added a little sway to my body, moving with the light, beautiful rhythm of the song. When we sang this song together as kids, we never seemed to fail in keeping ourselves still, caught up in a beat that had our little bodies moving from side to side with it.  

“The static waves, across the screen. Define this notion. Back and forth, and in between, like my emotion.”

“And I know you’re never gonna understand…”

“And won’t you slow this down, oh, if you can…” Annie sang, the strong voice that I had grew up with coming out gentle and slightly fragile yet firmly. It startled me and not only had my fingers almost fumbled with the chords, but I nearly forgot the next set of lyrics.

However, my smile grew bigger tenfold and my fingers that had been tense started to relax as they strummed against the guitar strings. “You swayed your hips and stole the breath…..” I paused, hoping that she’d continue to sing as I did. As I sang the next line, she did her part with a breathless ‘that you were taking’ as I went on with, “That I was taking.”

“I touched your lips and held your hands…”

Like the earlier part, Annie’s part preceded mine and her ‘cause they were shaking’ was just as beautiful as the line before, and I added, “when they were shaking.”

She was sitting up straighter now, her back no longer hunched forward in her earlier position and when we caught gazes, I could have sworn her blue eyes smiled at me.

F, G, A Minor, C.

From here on, Annie perfectly became my background as every line I sang was accompanied by her softly repeated phrase, ‘I would have let you leave’. And at this point, the song had become breathtakingly rhythmic and I watched as my adoptive sister started to sway with me, beginning with a hesitant sway that turned into a fully immersed one.

“Look how we’ve fallen upon our knees” ~ “I would have let you leave.”

“How we forgot it.”

“These empty halls held our disease” ~ “I would have let you leave.”

“Before we caught it.”

“Now out the door, and down the stairs” ~ “I would have let you leave.”

“From your apartment.”

This line, our voices merged and sung out as one, “I would have let you leave…”

The guitar solo went by faster than it usually did. In this moment, I spent most of it looking at Annie as she swayed to the beat of the guitar. Her tiny lips had a slight curl to them, a happy curl that almost resembled a smile. Or perhaps in her case, that was a smile.

She probably didn’t even know that I was watching her, too wrapped around the guitar that played a song she loved so much, a song that always somehow brought her back when nobody else could.

I glanced at everybody standing outside the car, watching us. Every single one them had joined us in our swaying. Well, maybe not everyone. Technically, Levi didn’t count. Mikasa and Armin nudged each other playfully as they swayed, both of them having shed free from the tension and nervousness they felt earlier. Hanji had thrown her arm around Levi’s shoulder and was forcing his sway which I was surprised that he hadn’t pushed her away yet.

Then again, it might have just been me, but it looked like he was in a trance. The normal jaded light in his dark eyes was replaced by something of slight awe and peaked interest.

And he was burning holes into me with those eyes.

I didn’t like being stared at like that so I immediately turned my attention back to the instrument and my fingers started to strum the last verse of the song on the guitar. Annie was once again my background, her voice quiet but strong behind mine.

“The static waves across the screen” ~ “I would have let you leave.”

“Define this notion.”

“Now back and forth, and in between” ~ “I would have let you leave.”

“Like my emotion,” I sang as I casually peered back in Levi’s direction, only to be startled into looking back at the guitar again because his stare still remained firm.

“Now out the door, and down the stairs” ~ “I would have let you leave.”

“From your apartment.”

“I count the steps from where I am” ~ “I would have let you leave.”

“To where I started.”

“I would have let you. I would have let you.” Together we finished the last line of the song, our voices going low and fading like the guitar as I lightened the pressure I exerted on its strings.

“I would have let you leave….”

  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the short chapter and the sudden, sucky end of it. I'll try to update soon, don't forget to comment~ They give me hope for my story and make me want to update faster! TwT
> 
> (And NOTE to anyone who follows my other ereri stories- Deleted Scenes and Lessons in Love that are co-authored by Prussia, we may be updating our own stories but not those because we are on very awkward terms right now and I doubt we'll be working on them anytime soon. Sorry~)

**Author's Note:**

> If you liked it, kudos and comments are appreciated! Especially comments since they make me smileee and I'm going through a tough battle right now. I'll warn you guys ahead of time, this is going to be on terrible fucking fanfiction. I've been taking problems that I've heard of, seen or experienced first hand and have been writing them down. These are your teen problems here and if you can relate, your feels will probably get kicked in the crotch.
> 
> Sorry not sorry. Anyway thanks for reading. This is my second time working in first person (my first posting it) so go easy on me! I'm probably much better at doing third but I think this fic in particular would fit more with first person POV. 
> 
> I'll be posting this chapter on tumblr and I'll tag updates with "fic: Weight for Me". You can find my tumbr link on my profile if you want to follow ^_^


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